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Ronnie Falcao, LM MS, a homebirth midwife in Mountain View, CA


Grief and Loss

See also:

Subsections on this page:

Prenatal Hospice for Terminal Prenatal Diagnosis

Perinatal hospice: A gift of time - If you are here because of a prenatal diagnosis that indicates your baby likely will die before or after birth, we are so sorry.

When a baby is destined to die - Perinatal hospices support families with a terminal prenatal diagnosis 

From the wonderful counselor in our birth community:

Here is some of what we've provided to students facing this diagnosis:

For support, information, and parent-to-parent understanding:
SOFT (Support Organization for Trisomy 18) at Trisomy 18 Foundation as well as their parent-support board
and a discussion/support board on Daily Strength.org

In addition, if it becomes applicable later-on, which some do not, there is a local resource in HAND (Helping After Neonatal Death), which is for and by parents who have experienced miscarriage, late-term, and neonatal loss.  They have many great resources for you, friends and family, reading suggestions, and host regular drop-in groups.

There is also another wonderful, national website with information, reading resources, and other support at Hygeia Foundation, which was founded by a doctor who saw the need for more support for families experiencing loss - including early and late-term loss.  This includes emotional support, medical information, and even how to talk with friends and family and navigate the transitional time, which can add additional pain.

It is also important to note that often partners cope with these intense experiences in different ways and at a different pace, so doing whatever you each can to allow and respect your partner in their approach can go a long way towards healing together, even if differently.  AND, if you find your differences in the grief process to be a serious challenge (they often are), I encourage you to seek the help of a couple's counselor who is familiar with these issues -- sooner, rather than later -- to help you both navigate lovingly.


Now I lay me down to sleep - Volunteer Infant Bereavement Photography -  an organization of professional photographers, volunteering their time and services to parents experiencing an early infant loss.  There are no fees to the parents for the services NILMDTS provides.

Online memorials for stillbirth, pregnancy loss, miscarriage and loss of an infant - from labelledame.com

Honored Babies ~ Miscarriage, Ectopic Pregnancy, Stillbirth, Neonatal Death, and Infant Death

Online Support Groups

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Group - This group is for ANYONE who has suffered Miscarriage, Ectopic Pregnancy, Stillbirth, Neo-Natal Death, SIDS, or the Loss of a Child. Mothers, Fathers, Grandparents, Siblings, Relatives and Friends. EVERYONE IS WELCOME.

Supportive Informational Resources

MISS - Mothers In Sympathy & Support - providing immediate and ongoing support to grieving families.

They offer a black "In Mourning" wrist band or a white "One Who Soars" wrist band.

The also have an excellent set of Information and Resources for Professional Caregivers.

HAND of the Peninsula - Helping After Neonatal Death, is a non-profit, volunteer group founded in the early 1980's to provide support and information to bereaved parents, their families and friends following a miscarriage, stillbirth, or newborn death.  They are located in Northern California, (650) 367-6993.  In an emergency, call the 24 Hour Crisis Line: (650) 579-0350, (888) 220-7575 (toll free)

HAND support group meetings for Santa Clara take place the first and third Thursdays of each month starting at 7:30pm in Los Gatos. 408-358-5640. 24 Hour Telephone Support: 1-888-908-HAND (1-888-908-4263) is staffed by professionally trained support volunteers through Contact Cares (contactcares.org) Please ask the counselor to leave a message for "HAND".

HAND - Helping After Neonatal Death - Helping After Neonatal Death, is a California non-profit 501(c)3 corporation, founded in 1981 to help parents, their families and their healthcare.

No U-Turn at Mercy Street: A Memoir and Resource Guide for Grieving Parents by Chandrama Anderson, MA, MFT

The Language of Grieving guide covers both words that offer comfort, and words, while well intentioned, that may be resented by or stifle the grieving person or make the journey through grief more difficult. Please copy and distribute as you wish.

When Hello Means Good-Bye blog

Mending Invisible Wings - Loss of a Baby: a journal by Shiloh Sophia McCloud

Art can access and express feeling in a uniquely healing way.

SHARE - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Inc. - (800)-821-6819 - All information packets, correspondence, and support is free of charge for bereaved parents.

glow in the woods - for parents of lost babies, including how to help a friend through babyloss and how to stop lactation when there is no baby and some discussion boards

Earth Mama Angel Baby - What can you say to a woman who has suffered a miscarriage? How do you comfort a woman who has endured a full-term pregnancy loss? The subject can seem utterly unapproachable. Baby Loss Comfort was created to help provide real physical support as well as emotional comfort and resource information for women who have experienced baby loss from miscarriage to stillbirth.

GRIEF LOSS RECOVERY - Hope and Health Through Creative Grieving

October 15th - The Official Site of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Healing Hearts Baby Loss Comfort

Loss from a Doula's Perspective - an excellent article with an extensive resource list.

Forever Our Angels by Hannah Stone - includes about 17 non-fiction essays written as 1st-person accounts. Each of the essays is written by a real person who has experienced a miscarriage. The book begins with an an introduction by a doctor of psychiatry, as well as a preface by the author Hannah Stone.

SilentGrief.com - Support for all who have suffered miscarriage and later child loss

pregnancyloss.info - A web site of information, hope and healing from pregnancy loss.

November 10, 2005 - The Beth Israel Medical Center Perinatal Bereavement Program hosted "A Time of Remembrance", a memorial program of music, words and reflection for those who have experienced pregnancy or newborn loss
Guest Speaker: Dr. Joann Galst, Grief Counselor
Ruth Gabay, LCSW 212-844-8524
Joanne Rutland, LCSW 212-420-2977

The Midwife and the Bereaved Family by Jane Warland

Pregnancy Loss Psychological Reactions by Frederick R. Jelovsek MD

A book that helped me was Motherhood After Miscarriage by Kathleen Diamond; she's a doctor who miscarried then birthed then miscarried 4-5 more times.  She's been thru the gamut.

A Trisomy 18 Journey - Abigail Grace Wilsford - the site includes the story of a baby who was diagnosed prenatally with Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome), who was carried to term, and who lived for 5 days. It addresses the issue of getting an "incompatible with life" prenatal diagnosis, deciding to carry-to-term, making decisions about what palliative care means for an infant, and grieving the loss of an infant. It includes trisomy 18, grief, and carrying-to-term resources as well as personal stories and a grief journal.

Waiting with Gabriel - A Story of Cherishing a Baby’s Brief Life By Amy Kuebelbeck - "a memoir about my son, who was diagnosed prenatally with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. The book is an account of our personal story, and it also addresses larger issues including the limits of medicine; continuing a pregnancy despite a devastating diagnosis; attitudes and practices regarding miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death; and ultimately dying well."

Planned Homebirth of a Stillborn Baby - Women who have experienced a fetal demise are most in need of the tender care available at a homebirth.  This article explains some of the legal and practical complexities that most of us would rather not think about.  Please be advised that this article is about California law - other states' laws may be very different.

12 Truths Regarding Perinatal Loss - For Those Who Have Had Miscarriages from Georgia Reproductive Specialists

The Child Bereavement Trust cares for bereaved parents and children by offering training and support to the professional.

They also offer some Useful Links

Footprints on our Hearts: How to Cope After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Newborn Death and At a Loss for Words: How to Help Those You Care for in a Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Newborn Death by Paraclete Video Productions

Houston's Aid In Neonatal Death - The H.A.N.D. Web Site. We are a Houston based pregnancy and infant loss support group for parents whose babies have died any time from conception through late infancy. Our mission is to help parents cope with feelings of grief and isolation which accompany the loss of a baby.

HAND , which stands for Helping After Neonatal Death, is a non-profit, volunteer group founded in the early 1980's to provide support and information to bereaved parents, their families and friends following a miscarriage, stillbirth, or newborn death.  They are located in Northern California, -888-908-HAND or 1-408-995-6102.

They also have a good Resources list.

Information written for care providers about Support for parents experiencing perinatal loss from the Canadian Pediatric Society

William & Wendell: A Family Remembered by Donnali Fifield "offers reassurance, and a welcome measure of relief, for those who are struggling to recover from a loss."  [The first chapter is available to be read online.]

Grieving and Healing by Holly Richardson, CD, ICCE

Hygeia Foundation and Institute for Perinatal Loss and Bereavement

The dimensions of grief are many: Shock, Guilt, Anger, Shame, Anxiety, Sadness, Longing, Loneliness, Helplessness, Yearning, Separation Pain, Reconciliation, and Depression. Do not chastise yourself for any of them.

A few ways to help you cope are:

Depression, Anxiety Due to Pregnancy Loss Can Persist for Years [2011] - No, there's nothing wrong with you if you didn't "get over it" within a short period of time.

Rape-Related Pregnancy and Pregnancy Loss

Remembrance Art, Jewelry and Comfort Gifts

I Will Hold You In My Heart Forever - A Baby Book for Little Angels - created by a bereaved mother to support other parents who have lost a child through their grief journey. 

Loss Comfort Gifts from Earth Mama Angel Baby

Miscarriage and Infant Loss Memorial Jewelry from labelledame.com

The Comfort Company - we have carefully selected or custom designed a meaningful collection of sympathy, bereavement and condolence gift ideas with the hope of bringing comfort and remembrance to those who are grieving.

The Grief Watch Store

Psyche Cremation Jewelry - Custom hand blown glass cremation jewelry by an artist who cares.

Pregnancy After Loss

Moved to Getting Pregnant/Pregnancy After A Loss


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