The gentlebirth.org website is provided courtesy of
Ronnie Falcao, LM MS, a homebirth midwife in Mountain View, CA
An interactive resource for moms on easy steps they can take to reduce exposure to chemical toxins during pregnancy.
Other excellent resources about avoiding toxins during pregnancy
These are easy to read and understand and are beautifully presented.
Last night I was up until 2 am having a heart to heart with my husband. We seem to be coming from totally different perspectives, particularly since my interest in becoming a CBE. Lots of things were said... lots of hypotheticals... that led to how I don't feel supported or understood. He feels the same way. Basically I tried to get the point across to him that I need him to understand me... why I feel my cesarean is such a focal point in my life, and how in a future birth, I would need to know that he supports and understands me... that the understanding and support needs to start now.
What happened was a huge turning point for both of us I think. What he said was "Sweetie, I know that you really want to be pregnant again, and give birth naturally, but I am not so sure you really want to be a parent again." Basically what followed is that I don't seem to be as focused on the "result" as I am on the pregnancy and birth. (that I don't love my son as much as I could)
That's when the tears really started rolling. It's unusual for me to cry... I have done a pretty good job of hiding my emotions. Basically I've become emotionless. But what he said helped me to put into words what my birth experience really did to me.
I said, "But that's exactly it!! Don't you understand what they took away from me when they took him out of me?? I was in such pain and terror that I didn't care that I was having a baby... I just didn't care!!" I couldn't find a way to attach myself to my son. It was horrible. I was so detached, that I didn't even care that my husband decided on the name. I had no desire to even think about it.
With the tears rolling, and me telling him exactly what that cesarean did for my relationship with my son, I think my husband has finally started to grasp just exactly what far reaching effects a cesarean can have... not only on a woman, but on the ENTIRE FAMILY.
It seems that every time I think I've done some healing, something else comes along. I guess I have finally realized that my birth experience affected my relationship with my son in a tremendously drastic way.
I am so angry at what those people did to me (the midwife, doctor, nurses,
etc.) by not giving me the information I needed to make an informed choice!!
I could kill them!! HOW COULD THEY TAKE AWAY FROM ME WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN
MY RIGHT AS A WOMAN!!! I'll never get back what they took from me... never...
my life is changed forever.... all because of a knife.
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